It seems as though just as when I start to grab a footing I am given a new hurdle.When I think about it I should probably be well adapted to handle just about anything. Not to say that there isnt more I could go through, more lessons to learn, more bridges to cross. The saying goes that God will not give you more than you can handle. Interesting. Only because I must be alot stronger than I imagine. Everytime I get to the place where I dont think I can handle much more I get through it. I emerge on the other side. Not always victorious but unharmed. No permanent damage. So I start to think when is this all going to end for me? Will one day I not " get through" something. Will I end up a pile of goo? And if I am being made stronger by surviving all of these tests what am I being made stronger for? What is my purpose? Am I totally missing out on the message?
I sometimes wonder if I am truly alone in all of this? I believe that God is there. But when I am feeliing lost and full of despair do others notice? Or do I just seem like some miserable person who is a waste of time for others. Do others think I am weak or pathetic?
I just dont think I am as strong as I seem at times and that I am stronger at other times than people give me credit for.
I am just tired of being sick. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I dont want people to look at me and make assumptions. I want to be stronger and be able to do the things I want to do everyday. But sometimes its hard to be me when
