Life can be so complicated. I know that alot of time it is complicated for me. And much of the complications are because I allow things to get that way. By design I am not a complicated person. Im pretty simple. I like the basics. My kids say Im "old fashioned". I used to take offense to that. With visions of grannies in rocking chairs, sporting buns and long skirts. But when I think about it I kind of appreciate the thought of being 'old fashioned". To me they are saying I play by the rules ( most of the time) that Im respectful and reverant. I think about the consequences of my actions before reacting. So in that way. I am definately 100% old fashioned.But I am also more than what you see on the outside. I have a large list of interests and hobbies. Most of which no one I am related to even cares about. So my family tends to think I dont do anything or "Im boring". I take offense to that however I also cant make people care about the things I care about. I think Im a pretty cool person. Im dont have tunnel vision. I can enjoy music from Classical to Techno, from Gospel to 80's pop. I have an interest in people, places, experiences, arts, arts, arts.
Where the disconnect comes is from the fact that I am married, have children and grandchildren and I feel alone sometimes. Alone in that in order to expand my mind or enjoy my interests I have to do them alone or with people who dont share a familial bond with me. That makes me sad. I want my daughter to share nights at the art galleries with me. And spend days painting with my son. And try new, creative dishes with my spouse. And I want to spend time with my family. And they repeat over and over I am borning. Are you kidding me? Im a freaking fabulous and interesting woman. Give me some credit here. I have things to share.
So then lonliness sets in. Guilt if I spend time with my few friends doing the things I love. Yet if I dont do those things then I would never get to do them.
I have a goal list/bucket list a mile long. Things Ive always wanted to try before I die.
First and foremost there was being about to go to Paris. I did that last March. Im grateful. It was worth the wait. But there is so much more. Not many things that require as much money or planning as Europe but things I want to do or try before my life comes to an end.
I want to introduce things to my grandkids. I want them to have experiences so they dont have tunnel vision. I want them to see the possibilities of life. All the things that they can experience and enjoy. Their lives can be so much more than they can imagine.
Im trying to show them, by them I mean everyone around me. Im so much more than they imagine. Im just trying to enjoy being me and hopefully people will see I am amazing.
